Divorces are tough on everyone who is involved with them and if there are kids involved then it is something which clearly hits them hardest. Young children in particular have absolutely no idea what is going on or why, all they know is that mum and dad are no longer together. Last year I went though this experience and the importance of making sure that the kids were ok was pretty much the only thing on my mind. Two things helped during this process, the fact the split was relatively amicable and also thanks to the help of the amazing team at Marrison Family Law.
I wanted to share my experience with anyone out there who is also going through a divorce with kids involved.
Something which I definitely think that my kids benefited from was the fact that I was completely transparent with them about what was happening. Naturally I didn’t go into every detail as to what was happening but I always gave them the highlights, explained why to them and asked if they had any questions. If you try to keep your kids in the dark about everything then you are going to fail. They will either find out the truth, figure out the truth or worse still, they will make up their own version of the truth. The latter is why so many kids blame themselves for the separation of their parents.
My ex and I both decided early on that we would do all that we could to ensure that the kid’s lives remained as normal as they possibly could. Even when they were hvairng time between us both, we made sure that they were still visiting friends and going to their after school clubs, again this is vital in helping your kids to get through this. One area of their life is of course completely abnormal, so it is on you to make sure that the rest remains as normal as you possibly can.
It is absolutely vital that no matter what your feelings are towards the your ex partner that they are not spoken about in front of the kids. Even if you have been maligned by your ex, this is not your place to manipulate your kids into thinking something about their mother or father. As hard as it may be, you should speak about your ex partner with respect and keep any name calling to yourself.
Finally it is essential that you don’t fall into the trap that many do, and try to out-parent the other. We often see kids spoilt rotten by one parent in an attempt to win their hearts, all this does however is confuse the child and forces them to somehow emotionally choose between one parent and the other. This is immoral and wrong and you have to ensure that you are not guilty of it.